Category: Relationships
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Are There Really Only Two Types of People?
That’s something that I have believed for many years – givers and takers. You are probably thinking right now which one you think you are. Some people seem to move through the world asking, What can I get from this? Others seem almost constitutionally wired to ask, What can I give and contribute? We tend to know which…
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The Conversation You’re Having Before the Conversation Even Starts
Do you ever stop to wonder why we spend so much time preparing for a conversation leaving little room to be truly present in the conversation? Think about how often we do this. You’re driving to work and already having the meeting. You’re in the shower explaining yourself to your spouse. You’re walking toward someone’s…
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Why Is It So Hard to Let Someone Be Wrong About You?
Think about that. We all do it. And we do it so often we don’t notice. We are constantly on guard to prevent it and when it happens, it consumes our attention through worry and doom-casting. And when someone does get you wrong, there is a sudden and almost irresistible urge to “clear this up.”…
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Engineering the Human Foyer (Part 2)
The Forgotten Purpose of the Foyer for the Nervous SystemIf the foyer performs such an important function in our physical lives, then perhaps it deserves to be understood as something more than an architectural feature. Perhaps it is a design pattern. One that has quietly helped human beings navigate meaningful transitions for centuries. If that’s…
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Engineering Human Flourishing (Part 1)
The Forgotten Purpose of the FoyerWe rarely notice foyers. They’re simply there. The entrance to a hotel. The lobby of an office building. The waiting room before a doctor’s appointment. The gathering space before a wedding. The reception area at a yoga studio. The quiet hall before entering a funeral. They exist in nearly every…
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Identity
I’ve been thinking about the word identity lately. It’s one of those words we rarely question. We’re told to find it.Protect it.Express it.Stay true to it. But what if we’ve misunderstood what identity is for? I wonder if one of the greatest sources of suffering is that we build our identity around the last place we stopped…
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Part 7 – The Carrying Cost of Judgment
Judgment has a carrying cost. Are you sure you want to afford it for every person you secretly resent? Because most people think judgment is something directed outward. But in many ways, the heavier burden is carried internally by the person holding it. The moment you quietly dislike someone while pretending otherwise, your nervous system…
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Part 4 – Why Science Needed Double-Blind Studies
Most people think double-blind studies exist because science is objective. But in a strange way… they exist because humans aren’t. Because the more scientists studied human beings, the more they discovered something unsettling: Expectation changes outcomes. Patients who believed they were receiving help often improved even when they weren’t given the real treatment. Doctors unintentionally…
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Part 3 – Why Humans Synchronize Without Trying
Have you ever noticed how quickly humans begin syncing with each other? One person yawns… and suddenly everyone else does too. A room full of tension can become physically uncomfortable before a single word is spoken. The nervous system notices long before the intellect explains. Even calm spreads. One regulated person can change the emotional…
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How Many Sides Does Your Mouth Have?
One. So why do we use it like it has two? We say we’re listening. But most of the time, we’re just waiting. Waiting to respond.Waiting to fix.Waiting to offer advice that wasn’t asked for. And if you pay attention… you’ll notice something else. People will give advice—and then moments later, offer the opposite. “Go…